Saturday, March 14, 2009

Prayer for a Good Husband ~

As many of you know, I was married in October of 2007. It was a year of disaster and insight and learning. It was a year of happiness and heartache, more of one than the other. In the aftermath I have questioned the big picture of my life and what was supposed to be, what really was, and what should be from this point forward. I've spent a lot of time alone figuring out how I feel and how to handle the judgments of others. It is between me and God to decide what my future holds ~ my part is to simply follow Him there. For the past 6 months I have sworn that I would never get married again for fear of making yet another mistake or being hurt even worse. But here is where I stand on the subject of life when it comes to me.
Nobody walks in my shoes but me. I have spent far too long worrying about what others think and what looks right to those around me. I deserve to live MY life. Some say that if you have been married before, well, that was your chance. I don't agree. I don't believe God is happy with divorce but I also do not believe that He expects you to continue in a marriage that is destroying you physically, spiritually, emotionally, or all three. After all, would it be right to participate in your own murder? A friend asked me that and I said NO. I do feel that somewhere along the way I will meet someone who has the same desires as I have. So in the future, if God sees fit for me to marry again, that is what I will do. It may be a long time and it may not. It will definitely be scary and require a great bit of trust on my part. But I don't believe in letting fear hold us back from the good things that are offered us. The following is a prayer that I found recently. I did not write it but it sums up what I feel in my heart.
O Jesus, the dearest Friend I have, in all confidence I open my heart to You to beg Your light and assistance in the important task of planning my future. Give me the light of Your grace, that I may decide wisely concerning the person who is to be my partner through life. Dearest Jesus, send me such a one whom in Your divine wisdom You judge best suited to be united with me in marriage. May his character reflect some of the traits of Your own Sacred Heart. May he be upright, loyal, pure, sincere and noble, so that with united efforts and with pure and unselfish love we both may strive to perfect ourselves in soul and body, as well as the children it may please You to entrust to our care. Bless our friendship before marriage, that sin may have no part in it. May our mutual love bind us so closely, that our future home may ever be most like Your own at Nazareth.
And if I never marry again, I have confidence that God will make my life all that it was meant to be. In the meantime, I will wait to see what surprises He has for me around the bend.

1 comment:

  1. First, I must say thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am one of those who can say I also made a very big mistake in life which caused many years of pain and seperation from God. My choosing and my mistake. I am also here to encourage you and tell you that while you don't want to make the same mistake again you won't if you have your eyes and heart right with God. You know, bad things happen to good people and yes - even Christians! I also thought "no way I'm getting married again". That was TOO painful!!! You are right when you say that God hates divorce and he also hates when His children are hurt. It sounds like you and I limped through the same trail. I am not sure how long you labored but I labored that marriage for 17 years and I can tell you I weighed nothing, felt like I was nothing, was told I was nothing and was wasting away, unable to eat. Do I think God wanted me there? No. Do I think God wanted you there? No. Does it matter at this point? No.

    I still think that God's "will" is where we stand each and every day - in or out of marriage, its about where is your heart. Today - 10 years after the painful and scary end of that marriage I can say that I am in God's will because I look to Him, commune with Him daily and am now in an evenly yoked marriage.

    I smiled when I read the part of not wanting to get married again because you didn't want to make the same mistake again. I said that too! And I meant it!!! So I set about surrounding myself with all the right things - like you are it sounds. God will honor that and if he sees marriage in your future, he will bring it. You sound like you are much younger than I am and so the GOOD NEWS is you have a lot of time to heal and recover. Focusing on the Lord will bring you exactly what you desire and as a matter of fact, more than you ever thought possible. It's true. I am so loved and cherished - something I knew nothing about. NOTHING.... I knew hurt and pain and now just healing and happiness. I look forward to hearing the good things God is doing in your life because He WILL bless you. Please share!!!!