Nobody walks in my shoes but me. I have spent far too long worrying about what others think and what looks right to those around me. I deserve to live MY life. Some say that if you have been married before, well, that was your chance. I don't agree. I don't believe God is happy with divorce but I also do not believe that He expects you to continue in a marriage that is destroying you physically, spiritually, emotionally, or all three. After all, would it be right to participate in your own murder? A friend asked me that and I said NO. I do feel that somewhere along the way I will meet someone who has the same desires as I have. So in the future, if God sees fit for me to marry again, that is what I will do. It may be a long time and it may not. It will definitely be scary and require a great bit of trust on my part. But I don't believe in letting fear hold us back from the good things that are offered us. The following is a prayer that I found recently. I did not write it but it sums up what I feel in my heart.
And if I never marry again, I have confidence that God will make my life all that it was meant to be. In the meantime, I will wait to see what surprises He has for me around the bend.O Jesus, the dearest Friend I have, in all confidence I open my heart to You to beg Your light and assistance in the important task of planning my future. Give me the light of Your grace, that I may decide wisely concerning the person who is to be my partner through life. Dearest Jesus, send me such a one whom in Your divine wisdom You judge best suited to be united with me in marriage. May his character reflect some of the traits of Your own Sacred Heart. May he be upright, loyal, pure, sincere and noble, so that with united efforts and with pure and unselfish love we both may strive to perfect ourselves in soul and body, as well as the children it may please You to entrust to our care. Bless our friendship before marriage, that sin may have no part in it. May our mutual love bind us so closely, that our future home may ever be most like Your own at Nazareth.