Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Would you do it all again?

I was listening to the radio on the way to work on Monday. This is Wednesday so I had to mull this over for a couple of days before I could respond to what I was hearing. There was a lady named Jill who had twin sons and her husband walked out on her the first week the boys start 6th grade. She said that it was a year before the husband decided he wanted a divorce although she had prayed the whole time that God would change things. When all was said and done, God woke her up early one morning and said "Would you go through it all again if I asked you to?" She first said yes but when she was fully awake she realized what God had asked. During the ordeal and following it, in her pain, she had asked God to search her heart and show her anything that wasn't quite right.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
When I heard her say that I immediately thought, "But I did my best! I did everything I could and it wasn't good enough!" But then I realized, what I did wrong had come before the marriage. I had set my eyes on the wrong things and worried about what other people thought of me instead of what God wanted. I'm responsible for the mess I made by not trusting God and taking things into my own hands. But throughout the past year, God, in His grace, went before me and made the crooked ways straight. When I started trusting Him, He directed my footsteps and protected me from total ruin. There is no way I could be where I am at now if I had not gone through what I have gone through in the past year. It was horrible, the worst experience of my life. But if that is what it takes to find the way everlasting (vs. 24) I would have to say, I would do it all again.

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