Tuesday, January 20, 2009


Do you remember a time when you thought something was one way and then you found out the truth? I remember about 10 years ago, my Uncle Charlie was in a terrible accident. He had fallen to the ground from a piece of machinery that was 2 or 3 stories high in the air. He was care-flighted to the trauma center in Dallas and endured endless hours of surgery. My whole family was there and I had heard every detail of which bones were broken or what body parts were damaged though I had not seen him yet. For some reason, I just didn't believe it was as bad as it really was. My other uncle and my aunts were taking turns visiting him in the ICU and even when I saw the seriousness in their eyes I could not grasp the magnitude of the situation. Finally it was my turn to go in and see him. I remember, just like it was yesterday, that I followed my other uncle and my mother to his bedside. What I saw there stunned me. Not going into the details, I will just say that I would not have known it was Uncle Charlie if someone had not told me so. They urged me to talk to him because they thought he might be able to hear us. However, my mind turned hazy and I needed to run but my legs couldn't figure out which directions to go. My throat closed up and the world turned blurry as I tried to take in what was going on. When my mother realized what was happening she rushed to help me find my way out of the room. We walked quickly to the lavatory where the tears flowed and I sat with my back against the wall until I could gather myself up. There was no use in upsetting the rest of the family further so I stayed there until I was able to recover and breathe properly. Sometimes we never believe the worst until we've seen it for ourselves.

This past weekend I realized, once again, that things are not always what they seem or what we want them to be. For months I've been looking at a situation involving a particular person and thinking that things were much different than they really are. People pointed out things that I couldn't see or didn't want to believe. In my own mind I made excuses as to why this person does certain things and I thought it would get better if I just hung in there long enough. I agonized over decisions that I had made and ones that I would have to make in the near future. I felt pulled between this person and everyone else until the migraines, which I hadn't experienced for months, returned in full force. At that point I prayed hard. I asked God to show me the person's motives and give me a picture of the situation as it really is.

The result was much the same as when I stepped into my uncle's hospital room. I wanted to run and my heart beat so fast that I broke into a cold sweat. I started to panic and then I cried. I laid across my bed and cried for a long time. Then I was so exhausted that I slept for hours and barely managed to pull myself together and go to work. I had asked God to show me the truth and when He did, I fell apart!

My uncle was in ICU for a solid month. Then he was moved to another room. Then he was moved to a rehab. Then he was moved to another rehab. Today he functions well (he walks and rolls and drives) and we even have some funny stories (ask me about eyelashes!) to tell about those days. Not only was it a time of physical healing but also spiritual and otherwise. I'm trusting that since I now know the truth about my own situation, the healing can begin. I think it already has. For a while it has been rough but I feel a fresh start coming on.

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