This Last Year ~

I did this last year because one of my friends did it and I'm a copycat. I'm doing it this year because I want to be able to look back and see what God has brought me through. I'm a little bit late because I seem to have had writer's block for the past couple of months. I even considered shutting down this blog (it's more for myself than for anyone else anyway) but I think I will hang in there. So here it is:

January ~ I traded my beloved SUV in for a compact car. Also, my divorce was final this month. I had no idea how difficult it would be but it took months to get through it and I may still not be completely past it.

February ~ Started working on the preparations for my parents' 40th Anniversary party. It was a lot of work but it was worth it. We are so proud of them!

March ~ I think this is the month I started working the day shift. Finally. We had the Anniversary party at the beginning of this month and it was a lot of fun!

April ~ This month I finally started making my apartment a home. I had lived there for five months already but I did so hated being divorced. I wasn't ready to accept it until around this time.

May ~ I started working for Mr. Korman at Hospitality Concepts. I love Mr. Korman, he is so professional and respectable.

June ~ Where was I this month?? I don't remember any of it!

July ~ Attended a mandatory First-time Home Buyers seminar that took up a whole perfectly good Saturday. Tug also was extremely ill the night before and the doctor said he had a stomach virus. I was so worried!

August ~ Looking for a house to buy, which actually started way back in June. August was some super-serious looking because time was running out. Then, just when I had given up, I found the perfect one!!

September ~ My birthday was this month but really nothing special happened for it. However, me, my mother, and my aunt went to San Antonio for a weekend and had a fun time. It was the first time I'd ever heard of a skunk egg. Yummy!!

October ~ Lost my full-time job. And that is all I have to say about that. I also started attending Richland Hills Church of Christ, a big shocker for me. But I love it and I am looking forward to meeting lots of new people and getting much more involved.

November ~ Closed on my new house and moved in! Still looking for a job.

December ~ This month is always fun for me but much of the spirit was dampened with worry and regret. I was still looking for a job. However, I finally came around and enjoyed celebrating the birth of Christ.

When I looked back over this past year, I realized that I had weathered some difficult things, some of them I haven't even talked about here. The second thing I realized is that I have learned something from all of it. In 2010 I plan to have more fun and make more memories than I did in 2009. I want to pack in as much as possible and really live life to the fullest!

This Season...

It has been a long time since I have written anything or even felt like writing anything. Because, when I write, I want it to be truthful and honest. For the past two months I did not want to write anything because I knew if it was honest, it would come out sounding sinister and sad. Who wants to read something like that? The truth is, I was fired from my job because of my own horrible decision-making. I was going to say "stupidity" but it wasn't because I'm not stupid. I simply made some wrong turns because I started thinking with my emotions instead of with my brain. And then I didn't want to be around people because I felt like they were either judging me or pitying me, neither of which I wanted. I isolated myself and even stopped taking phone calls for a while. I've also been looking for a job ever since with no luck, bills piling up, and a house payment coming due soon. I guess you could say I was beating myself up daily as much as anyone else was.

Then Christmas started creeping up. I know, I know! Jesus is the reason for the season and I believe that with all my heart. I just don't like the idea of not giving gifts to everyone around me, especially when I know there are those who will straight-out ask me, "What did you get me this year?" So instead of expecting someone else to foot the bill for my Christmas cookie exchange, I cancelled it. Instead of buying gifts for everyone, I bought for the ones closest to me and was done with it. And I was quite disgusted with the whole season - even the carols!

Then recently I got an email from a missionary. I've always had a heart for missions and was truly blessed when I heard from her. She stated that she was coming home for a while and said if I had any prayer requests to let her know. I told her I was looking for a job and this is what she replied to me:

Hi Jennifer, Yes, honey, I will definitely be in prayer for your new job. Remember, things always look bleak just before God comes thru. In fact, some of us around here call him Jehova "nickatime". I, too, hate waiting, unfortunately I think that must be my middle name. Might you be needing a rest? Or while you are working your parttime job, can you finish moving in, or do you need to do some "staying before the Lord" time? When you can come to a decision on why the Lord may be asking you to wait, then obey what you think He is saying, soon you can say "Thank you Lord for giving me the guidance I need and opening the doors I need to walk thru." Hey, you're the one who is the counselor...but I always try to give what the Lord shows me. Have a wonderful Christmas.

When she asked, "Might you be needing a rest?" I thought about how I had been off work for two months already. However, I honestly had not been resting. Not resting in the Lord or resting in any other way. I have been scurrying and worrying and, honestly, I haven't gotten much accomplished but I'm truly exhausted! Then she said, "Can you finish moving in?" How did she know that I still have boxes packed up and things laying here and there? Did she realize that I get up every day and feel frustrated with these things just half-way done? But the real kicker is when she said, "Do you need to do some 'staying before the Lord' time?" Honestly (and we are being honest here) I need a lot of "staying before the Lord time." The truth is that it is very difficult for me to go before God when I know I've messed up. And if I can't admit to Him that I've messed up, how can I ask Him to help me out??

I've read and re-read that email this week. I know that, just as she said, the Lord did show her those things. It made me really start to think. God told her what he wanted me to know because I was too stubborn to face Him. Yet He still wanted me to come and stay before Him. He still wants me no matter who else doesn't. He wants me (and you!) so much today that, a long time ago, He sent His Son as a baby to redeem us from every bad decision, every sin, everything. And that truly is reason enough for me to do some "staying before the Lord" time right now. Today I stopped scurrying and worrying and got honest with God so that I could prepare myself for what is to come. Today the Christmas Season came alive to me again and I am excited to see what happens next!

I'm Still Here!

It has been a very long time since I posted anything. It has been a long dry spell and I struggled to come up with something but I couldn't. I guess I had too many other things on my mind. It probably seemed like I had dropped right off the face of the earth and at one point I just wished I could. But now I am feeling better and thought I would just let you all know I'm still alive and kicking! It is a Saturday night ~ well, actually very early Sunday morning. It has been a long time since I crawled out of bed this... er... yesterday morning and I am going to go now and get some much needed rest. I promise to make time tomorrow to let you know what has been going on in my world for the past month or so. Until then ~ Good Night world!

A Walk Down Homeless Row ~

As most of you probably know, I work in a facility for men who have been in crisis and working on recovery. Some of them came from nice homes and lost everything. Some of them come from the streets. All of them are near to my heart. Don't get me wrong, they can be gamey - very gamey. They've fooled me more than once and I'm still learning not to be so naive. However, there are certain qualities that I admire about some of them. Even their sinister sense of humor sometimes awes me. For instance, I was trying (key word being trying) to play a game of spades with them the other day. It was a learn-as-you-go process because I hadn't played in a while. So I told the guys, "I don't have a heart," meaning that I didn't have that particular suit of cards. In return, one of them popped off, "You have a heart, you just don't have a brain!" Well thank Goodness I have a tough skin! But I just take it as a sign of camaraderie. Although I'm not the same, they sometimes let me in to their world.

Besides playing cards and watching TV or reading, there isn't much for them to do while they are there. Shoot! Even their smoke breaks are limited to one cigarette every two hours. However, they are allowed to walk to the corner store that is approximately 1/2 mile down the road, as long as they go in pairs. This same road is where some of them came from, the place where homeless folks live and some of them swap drugs and sell, um... stuff. Anyways, I stuck my head in my supervisors office and asked her, "Do you think it would be a bad idea if I were to walk to the store with some of the guys?" She wasn't worried except that it was somewhat chilly out there. So I started asking around if anyone wanted to walk to the store with me. Wow! They were shocked! "Do you know how far it is to the store?!" "You do know that it's all uphill on the way back?" or, "Why do you want to walk when you have a car here?"

Three of them were ready to go. So I stepped out with them, badge hidden inside my coat and a cell phone in my pocket, just in case. The guys were eager to show me around the place they came from, like it was their old hometown or something. Just this simple walk to the store had a certain routine and they showed me the ropes. Cross the street here, be careful at this spot, here is the tricky part... and we made it safely. And along the way, they showed me where all the people go when there isn't room in the shelter. A trail here, a hill there, a tree or an overpass. People passed us and smiled or nodded their heads. There were even whole families out there. A guy asked us for loose change and we kept walking. I felt safe because "my" guys were there, one on the side and two behind, hemming me in. I don't know if they did that intentionally but it was still a comfort. And my eyes were opened a bit wider to the world around me. They aren't necessarily "bad" people - they are just people. Some made really bad choices and some were just victim to the circumstances. I know I can't save the world but at least now I know some of what I'm dealing with. I recently heard a pastor say, "Our mission is to expand the Kingdom of Heaven, which means making wherever we are, more like it ought to be." The little things I see each day remind me of that mission and if a walk down homeless row was what it took, then I'm happy to do it.

You're Probably Tired of Seeing This ~

I drove by yesterday, as is my weekend ritual now. The forms were put in for the driveway and the sidewalk. There are also about 6 other houses being built on the same street, right next to mine. I hope I have good neighbors!